Is your family dinner time a peaceful event of family togetherness or a battle zone? Your conversations at family mealtimes help to shape your kids’ experiences with food. Here are the top 3 things you never say to your kids at dinnertime and why…
#1: You can’t leave the table till you eat everything on your plate
In my growing up years, this was often followed by “What about all the starving children in Africa?”
Why not?
A quick question: How many of you were made to clean your plates and now frequently over-eat at restaurants where the serve sizes are enormous?
We want kids to recognise when they are hungry and when they are satisfied. Forcing kids to finish all the food on their plate teaches them ignore their internal cues of hunger and fullness and eat past the point of fullness.
Instead try…
Reminding your child “We listen to our tummy and stop when it’s happy or full”. If they’re still intent on leaving the table without eating much, remind them when the next meal or snack will be and don’t give in to begging for food if they realise they’re hungry later. Kids don’t always get it right. Sometimes they will eat too much and other times not enough, but it is such an important skill to learn.
#2: You can’t have dessert till you eat all your veggies
Why not?
Offering dessert in reward for finishing other foods makes dessert seem more important than the rest of the meal. It also encourages children to eat past their natural feeling of fullness in order to get the food reward. Then they’re gearing up to eat even more food and to over-ride their feelings of fullness.
Instead try…
Telling your kids before the meal whether dessert is being served and what it is (you don’t have to serve dessert every night). Offer a small serving of dessert as part of the meal but without the prerequisite of cleaning the plate. Dessert can be something nutritious like fruit salad and yoghurt or a fruit crumble and custard. Include “sometimes” foods like ice-cream once or twice a week so they don’t become desirous “forbidden” foods.
For more tips on managing dessert, check out this article: I’m Full Mummy, can I have some ice-cream?
#3: Lucy, look at your brother. He finished all his broccoli. Why can’t you eat like him?
Why not?
This statement fails to recognise that kids learn to like new foods at different paces. Putting pressure on kids to eat certain foods usually makes them eat less, not more. Children use their 5 senses to “sneak up” on new foods – sight, smell, touch, sound and taste. Taste usually comes last of all.
Instead try…
Noticing how your child interacts with a food using their other senses of sight, smell, touch and sound. Take opportunities to help your children explore new foods even if they aren’t eating them: “What sound does the carrot make when I munch on it?”, “This beetroot is red. What other foods are red?”, “This is kiwifruit. It is sweet like a strawberry” and get older children involved in shopping, preparing, cooking and serving food. Don’t go over the top with praise if your fussy eater decides to try a new food.
The road to food experience is a marathon, not a sprint.
Enjoy the journey and eat happy!
Deb Blakley
Accredited Practising Dietitian & Director
