We were at Brisbane airport and walked past a popular doughnut place we don’t often come by. It was morning snack time and so I decided to offer us all a doughnut each.
My three boys approached their doughnuts with keenness, but also a sense of ‘no big deal’. I noticed one of my boys took his time to inspect and admire the doughnut, smell it and then had his first bite with enjoyment. One of my boys was straight in. And my third son took some small licks to taste and then had some nibbles. All three were calm and content.
Pictured are the remains of the doughnuts when my boys were done with them.
I didn’t tell my boys to stop eating…
I didn’t tell them “that’s enough”…
I didn’t tell them to eat up and finish their food…
I focused on enjoying my doughnut.
Over the years, I have followed Ellyn Satter’s Division of Responsibility in Feeding (sDOR): a responsive feeding model that defines clear jobs in the feeding relationship between parent and child. It’s my job as a parent to decide the WHAT, WHERE and WHEN of feeding. My children decide WHETHER and HOW MUCH they eat from what I have offered.
This model offers the possibility of something called ‘Eating Competence’ which is the ability to eat a range of foods in a relaxed positive manner, trusting that there will be enough food to eat and trusting the body’s appetite regulation to learn how to eat when hungry and stop eating when comfortably full.
I have sat and observed what my boys will do with food. I have gained TRUST that they are capable learners and that they’ve got this eating thing!
To develop Eating Competence, kids need:
- Structure
- To be in charge of themselves
- A supportive role model
- Time, space for trial & error and lots of practice
- Sometimes a child will pile too much food on their plate or sometimes they may take too little.
- Sometimes a child will eat to discomfort and sometimes they will eat too little and feel hungry soon after.
- Sometimes a child will get it right and walk away from a meal feeling pretty comfortable ready to focus on something else non-food related.
- Sometimes they will get it wrong and might go looking for more food.
- Sometimes they get their familiar favourite food and sometimes they will be challenged by a food that they are still LEARNING to eat and enjoy.
This is okay…
A child can learn how to LISTEN and respond appropriately to their appetite regulation signals – and we can trust them to do this. We can stick to offering them a range of foods, in a structured, reliable and non-judgemental eating environment. We can relax and enjoy eating food ourselves.
Being a matter of fact about foods can help us see children gravitate to a RANGE of foods at different times – not because they’re being restricted or feel guilty, but because their body just does.
Eat Happy!
Inés Astudillo
Accredited Practising Dietitian
