Master 7 got a glimpse of what was on offer for dinner before it was even served and declared he wasn’t eating it.
It was my version of homemade butter chicken served over rice and a side of fresh strawberries…
This meal isn’t his favourite, but it is usually reasonably accepted. Rice and strawberries are definite safe foods. The chicken part of the meal is too, he copes okay by picking it out.
I reminded him that he could eat what he wanted from what was on offer, such as the rice.
He said: NO!
He sat at the dinner table and continued to carry on… then he had a problem with the sauce being on top of the rice… then he had a problem with the sauce when it was pushed to the side. He said he didn’t like butter chicken, cried that he had nothing to eat and left the table in a huff!
What do you think was going on?
What would you do next?
Here’s what I did…
I could see that he had big feelings but not quite crying, overwhelmed or having a meltdown – this suggested to me that he still had some access to his thinking brain.
I waited a moment and then asked him if he could come back to the table. He responded by asking if he could sit next to me. There was a chair next to me, so I gestured for him to come. He sat down.
I could tell he was already starting to get what he needed.
I gently but firmly squeezed his shoulders and down his arms. He melted with calm. This pressure work can do wonders for the receptive kid.
I don’t usually do this, but I quietly asked, ‘is this about the food or your feelings inside?’.
He grunted, ‘feelings inside!’… and proceeded to pick up his spoon and eat as much as he wanted from his dinner just the way it was…
There is ALWAYS a reason lying behind a behaviour.
Master 7 was showing me he was feeling ‘off-track’ and needed connection. In retrospect, I could have paused what I was doing to get dinner ready and offered him a few minutes of connection when he declared he wasn’t having dinner. I just didn’t see it yet.
It’s not always about the food.
Eat Happy!
Inés Astudillo
Accredited Practising Dietitian
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